Question & Answer

Q: By Lonnie
How to talk to Fundamentalist Evangelicals? I grew up as one but like to ask questions and realize you are all on the right track. I along with my wife attend an Evangelical church nearly every Sunday and wonder the best ways to talk about science, global warming, the age of the earth, evolution, biblical errors and so on, of which Evangelicals seem so terrified.

A: By Brian D. McLaren

Dear Lonnie,

Many Evangelicals are so 100% bought in to the whole package they have been given –  original sin, penal substitutionary atonement, biblical inerrancy, young earth creationism, denial of climate change, unwillingness to hear the arguments for LGBTQ equality, support for Donald Trump – that if you challenge them, they’ll feel attacked and respond defensively or simply start avoiding you. When people become defensive, they tend to double down on what they’re defending and identify themselves even more closely with it, so any attempts to argue can actually cause people to become more resistant to different ways of thinking.

I think of Jesus’ words about being wise as serpents and innocent as doves, meaning that we have to be completely non-aggressive (doves) but also look for the tiniest opening (serpents) to get the seed of a new message through their defenses. Here are four suggestions:

1. You can wait for someone to say something you find false, unhelpful, or offensive. Then, rather than arguing back, just say, “Wow. I see that differently.” They’ll likely ask why, and rather than arguing (especially in public, which almost guarantees a defensive reaction), I’d recommend you say – with pleasantness and kindness, “I’d rather not go into it now. For now I just wanted you to know that I see it differently. If you’re curious sometime in the future, I’ll be glad to share why in private.” There’s great power in a non-directive, non-aggressive statement (I see that differently), and a great gift in differing without needing to convince.

2. You can share your perspectives in a way that makes it easy for others to differ, while always remaining positive, emphasizing not just what you’re against, but what you’re for. You might say, “I’m pretty sure that I hold a minority opinion on this, but I find the creation story in Genesis much richer when read as a poem that conveys meaning instead of a scientific or historical account.” You’re not asking anyone to agree with you (I hold a minority opinion), and you’re focusing not on their fault (interpreting literally) but on what you have found meaningful (reading poetically).

3. You can share books or other recommendations. Most Evangelicals won’t be ready for Jack Spong or even Marcus Borg, but they might listen to Rachel Held Evans or Pete Enns or Brian Zahnd, or perhaps even some of my books. There are some tremendous podcasts out there to recommend too, geared especially for questioning Evangelicals. Pete Enns’ “The Bible for Normal People” and Tripp Fuller’s “Homebrewed Christianity” and Jen Hatmaker’s “For the Love” are among my favorites.

4. Whenever possible, tell your story. Don’t say, “You’re a homophobic bigot” or “You’re so Islamophobic!” Instead, say, “You know, I used to see things the way you do. But then, a lifelong friend confided to me that he was gay….” Or, “I often hear the opinion of Muslims that you just expressed, but I should tell you about my friends Mustafa and Zaid. We met two years ago …” When you share your story, you’re adding data to their data bank that they can process later on their own.

Soren Kierkegaard said that “the apostle” (the person who carries a message of good news) must be like a midwife. Midwives know that no mother wants to give birth in public. Similarly, people generally prefer to give birth to a new opinion in private. So we offer what we can in public, but then withdraw so that people can process and “go through labor” on their own.

~ Brian D. McLaren

This Q&A was originally published on Progressing Spirit – As a member of this online community, you’ll receive insightful weekly essays, access to all of the essay archives (including all of Bishop John Shelby Spong), and answers to your questions in our free weekly Q&A. Click here to see free sample essays.

About the Author
Brian D. McLaren is an author, speaker, activist, and public theologian. A former college English teacher and pastor, he is a passionate advocate for “a new kind of Christianity” – just, generous, and working with people of all faiths for the common good. He is an Auburn Senior Fellow and a leader in the Convergence Network, through which he is developing an innovative training/mentoring program for pastors, church planters, and lay leaders called Convergence Leadership Project. He works closely with the Center for Progressive Renewal/Convergence, the Wild Goose Festival and the Fair Food Program‘s Faith Working Group. His most recent joint project is an illustrated children’s book (for all ages) called Cory and the Seventh Story. Other recent books include: The Great Spiritual Migration, We Make the Road by Walking, and Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road? (Christian Identity in a Multi-Faith World).
Brian has been active in networking and mentoring church planters and pastors since the mid 1980’s, and has assisted in the development of several new churches. He is a popular conference speaker and a frequent guest lecturer for denominational and ecumenical leadership gatherings – across the US and Canada, Latin America, Europe, Africa, and Asia. He has written for or contributed interviews to many periodicals, including Leadership, Sojourners, Tikkun, Worship Leader, and Conversations.
A frequent guest on television, radio, and news media programs, he has appeared on All Things Considered, Larry King Live, Nightline, On Being, and Religion and Ethics Newsweekly. His work has also been covered in Time, New York Times, Christianity Today, Christian Century, the Washington Post, Huffington Post, CNN.com, and many other print and online media.
Brian is married to Grace, and they have four adult children and five grandchildren. His personal interests include wildlife and ecology, fly fishing and kayaking, music and songwriting, and literature.