I am having lunch this week with a lay leader in my church. He seems an interesting man and strong in his faith. I look forward to spending time with him.

I know in advance that he is going to ask my why I don’t attend Sunday worship very often. How can I consider myself a member of this congregation if I don’t participate in the main thing they do?

It’s a good question, and many Christians are asking it. As Diana Butler Bass points out in an insightful interview with Deseret News, more and more believers are pursuing their relationships with God “away from church.” They don’t attend Sunday morning worship, they don’t volunteer for normal church activities, or they don’t feel any sense of connection to a “bricks-and-mortar” faith community. And yet they feel strong in their faith and eager to serve.

This is confusing to church leaders who consider themselves charged with keeping doors open, pews full, and traditional activities healthy. If we aren’t gathered around the altar, how can we consider ourselves “church”? If we aren’t making contact on Sunday morning, how can we form community? If we aren’t sharing the common story, the common cup and the common voice of a church’s preaching, singing and praying, how can we matter to each other? If we don’t matter to each other, who will pay the salaries and facilities costs of providing a venue where mattering can occur?

I think we can work our way through these challenging questions and seeming contradictions, but we will need to listen to each other better than we do, and we will need to examine the various ways God touches our lives and draws us onward.

I know, for example, that I want to tell my prospective new friend that I find Sunday worship boring. Sitting in a pew while other people do things doesn’t feed my faith. Shuffling up for communion doesn’t feed my faith. A few 10-second exchanges after worship don’t draw me into community. In fact, the last time I attended Sunday worship, I left halfway through, because I couldn’t think of a good reason to stay.

I hesitate to say all that. I don’t want to offend someone for whom Sunday rituals still hold deep meaning. I don’t want to drive a wedge between my and my pastor, because I truly value her and the work she is doing.

I think churches need to broaden their horizons. Still seeking wellness, still considering their ministries valuable, still supporting a larger vision with their funds and their engagement — but looking beyond Sunday worship to consider a host of other ministries, looking beyond the physical space to consider other places where people live, move and have their being, and looking beyond church affiliation to consider other expressions of faithfulness.

This is the key going forward: other ministries, other places, and other expressions of faith. This is where more and more people are headed — because, I believe, God is drawing them there. Rather than ignore such behavior or fight against it, church leaders should walk alongside the new pilgrims and listen to their stories and needs.

About the Author

Tom Ehrich is a writer, church consultant and Episcopal priest based in New York. He is the publisher of Fresh Day online magazine, author of On a Journey and two national newspaper columns. His website is Church Wellness – Morning Walk Media