When I first developed my best practices guide to Church Wellness, I called this section “Young Adult Ministry.” Now I title it “Younger Adult Ministry.”

It is unrealistic to think that a congregation whose average age is over 60 will be able to appeal effectively to people in their 20s and 30s. Not only are the generations too far apart, but the church expectations of the 60+ set are shaped by congregation, facility, ordained leadership, denomination and Sunday worship, whereas so-called Millennials pursue a hunger for God that takes different forms.

Many congregations are trying to reach out to young adults, and some are succeeding. But what I see is mainly frustration and heartache. “What is wrong with us?” many elderly leaders ask. Or, just as often, “What is wrong with these young people?”

As a result, I have modified my counsel to church leaders. Instead of trying to reach across four decades to people in their 20s, focus on reaching down one generation. If your leadership group has an average age of 65, build bridges to people in their 50s. Try to drive down your congregation’s average age to, say, 55, and then build bridges to people in their 40s.

How do you do this? It’s hard work, but doable.

First, understand that people in their 50s today aren’t like you when you were 50. They grew up in a different world and have a different approach to life. It is difficult to generalize about those differences, because career, class, gender and family situation play such large roles. The first step, then, is to listen to the world around you and let people tell you their stories. Immerse yourselves in the realities of this younger generation and respond to who they actually are.

Second, this generation might well have grown up in churches, but their experience probably proved to be negative. They got singed by the divisions and resistance to change that have dominated congregational life. Chances are they got fed up and left. They won’t respond well to a traditional come-to-church appeal. Sunday church is precisely what they want to avoid. Rather, you will need to engage them in something new, such as mission work.

Third, forget about welcoming 50-something people into what you are currently doing. You need to be prepared to change what you are doing in order to reach younger generations. The nature of those changes will be revealed when you listen to them. But you can be sure that there is little interest in fitting neatly into the church life you enjoy pursuing. You will need to let go of things you care about. Jesus called it “dying to self.”

Fourth, the key to reaching younger adults probably will be small groups, not Sunday worship. They will want the relational, not the ceremonial. They will want face-to-face engagement, not sitting in a pew and facing forward.

Fifth, be prepared to yield control. People in their 50s tend to want to run things. They won’t want to be “fresh meat” to do the leg work of things you have already decided to do. They will want to be involved in making plans and decisions. If they encounter an entrenched group of longtime leaders, they will walk away.

You can see why I said this would be hard work. I suggest your first step be a focus group, where you invite six to eight 50-something men and women from outside your congregation to talk to you about the world they see. Make sure it is a diverse group representing your entire community, not just younger versions of yourselves.

A focus group isn’t a get-acquainted session where you engage them in conversation. It is your time to listen to them as they talk with each other. Your job is to listen and then, separately, to reflect on what you heard.

The likely outcome: you won’t be doubling-down on what you already do. You will be imagining a new future.
 

About the Author

Tom Ehrich is a writer, church consultant and Episcopal priest based in New York. He is the publisher of Fresh Day online magazine, author of On a Journey and two national newspaper columns. His website is Church Wellness – Morning Walk Media